Being Vulnerable is Hard

So today I had a post in mind about how much fun we had registering for our wedding last night but I just received some jarring news and I need some time to process it. I know that's really vague and I really hate being vague but I just wanted to be honest with you, all my friends who keep tabs on me here.

In person, and here on the blog, I'm not accustomed to sharing sad feelings in real time. I'm a pretty expressive person and most people would say they can read my emotions like an open book, and I would agree. But when it comes to deeply emotional feelings, especially of sadness, I have a really hard time being vulnerable and letting people in.

Even though I hate being alone 99% of the time, that 1% of time I actually like to be alone is when I'm processing feelings of sadness. So when something is emotionally overwhelming to me, I tend not to share, even with those close to me. It's just easier to avoid answering questions or keeping people in the loop because it pressures me to experience my own feelings again, which can be really overwhelming. In typing that out, I know that sounds really lonely and it can be. I envy people who are brave enough to really open themselves up in times of need and accept the support from others. I'm not sure why I struggle with being vulnerable and there are times where I feel like it limits my ability to connect with people. But eventually, when the time is right and I am ready to open up about it, I do truly appreciate the family and friends who share their love and support. For someone who is resistant to opening up, it means the world, it really does.

I'm not entirely sure what the point of revealing all of that was but I guess I thought I'd open up about why I don't open up [ha!]. While I'm not ready to share what's happening, I would still greatly appreciate the kind prayers and positive vibes you could send my way (not in comment form, but more in the form of thoughts and spiritual reflection).

tacoImage via this awesome threadless tee.

I really am eager to share with you all the progress I'm FINALLY making in wedding planning but for now, I'll have to hold off and let myself experience feelings bigger than that right now. For those of you who will want to reach out after reading this post (I can already picture a handful of my friends who are getting a text ready to send), I just want you to know I might not respond with more than a simple "Thank You" for now. Feel free to share your own experiences with opening up in times of sadness, and let me know if there's anything that helps you in similar times.


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21 thoughts on “Being Vulnerable is Hard

  1. Sending positive thoughts your way Evani! Don't worry about being vulnerable and not being able to voice your sadness- everyone is different. Some of us keep it inside and some of us project it to the world. Everyone benefits from it differently, and being quiet about it is totally fine. I hope writing this- even though you said it was "vague"- did help your healing 🙂

    1. Evani G

      Post author

      You totally hit the nail on the head Rachel, just writing this really did feel beneficial to me. Just to know there are other people who process similarly and aren't as comfortable with opening up immediately was such a revelation and I truly appreciate your kind words! <3

  2. Thinking of you, lady–everyone processess things different ways. I'm a quiet one, like you! Sending you virtual hugs and lots of good juju...take as much time as you need! xo

  3. I'm the same way. Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to process things. I think the important part is knowing that there are people here for you and that if you ever needed to share, you could. I can't imagine wanting to share, but lacking that support. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Sending you lots of hugs xo

    1. Evani G

      Post author

      Thank you Lyss! It's definitely such a beautiful feeling to know there's so much support out there, ready for when it's time to share. Thank you sweet friend.

  4. I tend to keep sadness to myself as well, and I prefer to process in silence. So I understand where you're coming from with that. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love you friend.

    1. Evani G

      Post author

      I'm glad to hear another blogger processes the same! Sometimes it feels like most bloggers are so willing to put everything out there and I feel like I'm the odd one. Thank you for the sweet words and thoughts dear friend. <3

  5. I think it's important to know that there IS strength in the act of being vulnerable ... It doesn't make you weak but if anything makes you stronger in the process. You have every right to deal with your vulnerability in your own way mama! Sending a rainbows your way to help you get through the storm!!!

    1. Evani G

      Post author

      Great words of wisdom Setarra! <3 I love rainbows so I appreciate all the love. You are the best.

  6. I am the same. I love to share but when times are tough, I usually want to process alone and then share once I am through it. It is then people will reach out with concern and I laugh and tell them not to worry as I am already through it! Praying for you today!

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